Chapter Text
Lewis came home from grocery shopping to find Fernando talking to Santi in Spanish. The baby looked back at his father with a blank, wide-eyed stare, as if he were genuinely confused. Or maybe he was just being a baby. Probably that last one.
"Why don’t you do that when I’m around?”
Fernando turned his head, not having heard Lewis come in. He just shrugged, not sure why he didn’t.
“We speak my native language all the time. Why do you barely speak Spanish to them when I’m around? I’ve heard you do it maybe two or three times.”
“Because you don’t speak Spanish. It’s rude.”
Hardly, if you asked Lewis. And Fernando looked so content while he spoke Spanish to Santi that even if it was rude, Lewis could forgive him. It was nice seeing Fernando share his language with their kids, even if they couldn’t understand yet.
“Not at all.”
Shooting Lewis a tiny smile as a thank you, Fernando continued to ramble on in Spanish. Lewis could pick up the occasional word, and he was pretty sure he heard Oviedo being mentioned. Not too strange, considering they were about to leave for a short stay with Fernando’s family there.
It was all a bit rushed, but Fernando wanted to see his parents. His sister hadn’t seen the boys in real life yet, and there was an event for kids at his kart track. It was a no-brainer to go on a short family trip. Even Roscoe was joining them. Then Lewis would have to leave for Hungary, and Fernando would stay a little longer before returning to Monaco. They had already packed everything. It was truly the most organised they had ever been.
But first, they would have guests to entertain. One certain Daniel Ricciardo had been spamming them with messages asking if he could meet the spawn (Fernando looked satisfied at Daniel’s use of the word, Lewis was not as excited). It was the first time they’d be hosting guests unless they counted Nico and Jenson, who just invited themselves over regularly.
Lewis was slightly nervous for the babies to meet other people, but they had to at some point, didn’t they? Daniel was a great guy, and Max (because Daniel would undoubtedly make him tag along whether he liked it or not) was not too bad either. That wasn’t the problem, though.
“Are you okay?” Fernando interrupted his own rambling to check up on Lewis who realised he must have been staring into the distance.
“Yeah,” he answered, blinking to force himself out of it. “It’s just…The prospect of such overwhelming Red Bull energy in this home makes me nervous.”
Fernando tsk-ed at him. “Dramatic.”
“I’m just wondering how Daniel will react.”
Fernando shrugged, he wasn’t too worried. “If he will get sad, he would not have asked to meet them.”
As it turned out, Fernando was right. Daniel’s cute aggression towards the boys kicked in from the moment he laid eyes on them and declared they looked so sweet he could eat them. Lewis had declared that he could sadly not, since this was now a vegan/flexitarian household and human meat was not on Fernando’s list of meats and fish he would still eat.
Daniel played annoyed, but quickly turned serious when Lewis told him he could hold one of the babies if he wanted to. He went awfully quiet for a man usually so talkative.
“I’d love to. I mean… Only if you’re okay with it.”
“Of course, I offered.” Lewis gave Daniel a moment to properly settle against the couch cushions before placing Fran in his arms.
“Look at him, he’s so tiny.” Daniel cooed as the baby wrapped his little fingers around Daniel's big index finger.
Fran scrunched his nose in that way that always reminded Lewis of Fernando. Like a little bunny. Either Max seemed to think it was adorable too, or he was experiencing a mild case of baby fever, judging by the way he smiled at the baby.
“What a cute little nose.”
“That’s one thing our kids will never get,” Daniel joked. Max looked up at him for a second, concerned, but it genuinely seemed to be a joke, because Daniel was still smiling brightly.
Daniel seemed to sense that three pairs of eyes were staring at him. They’d never mentioned it out loud, but everyone in the room remembered that awkward plane journey. They all knew how terrible Daniel had felt and how jealous he had been. But there was none of that now. Instead, there was a signature Danny Ric grin.
“It’s alright, I have something else to keep me busy now.”
Max, who obviously knew what was going on, looked at his boyfriend with a proud expression. Fernando and Lewis, however, were rather confused. Was he going to be attending races full-time the way Mick did?
“Yes?” Lewis asked, gesturing for Daniel to continue.
“I’ll be back on the grid with you.”
The Australian didn’t elaborate, instead choosing to play with Fran’s fingers, which elicited a gurgling sound from the baby, to Daniel’s utter delight. He cooed back at him, either oblivious to or completely ignoring the three men watching him.
“Nyck’s out,” Max clarified when it became clear that Daniel wouldn’t.
“That’s great!” Lewis cringed at himself for sounding excited that someone was out of a seat. But it was exciting for Daniel, at least. No one seemed to respond, all of them too happy to see Daniel all excited and smiley to think about how much it sucked for Nyck. “When?”
“Next week.”
“Already?” Fernando asked, pouting ever so slightly until Lewis elbowed him. The last thing they needed was for Daniel to be made to feel bad about it because Fernando was a little jealous.
“Afraid I’ll outscore you?” Daniel teased, repeating Fernando’s words from a few weeks earlier. Fernando was not afraid of that at all. Not as long as the Australian was in that AlphaTauri. Plus, Fernando intended on driving at least one more race this season, and God knew that even in its current state of development, the Aston Martin would score more points than Daniel’s car.
Fernando tried to look unimpressed. “No, I will beat you easy.”
“Oh, it’s on, old man.”
“Few months, I see you on the grid.”
Wordlessly bonding with Max Verstappen over their dumbass, weirdly competitive boyfriends was not something Lewis would have predicted would happen to him, but here they were. Lewis was glad to see them come to a compromise eventually: try and cause McLaren’s downfall.
As lovely as Max and Daniel were, it was still an energy-draining afternoon for Fernando. He probably felt as exhausted as he looked, poor guy. He desperately needed some self-care, though Lewis would not call it that to his face to avoid any snarky remarks.
“Why don’t you go shower for a bit?” Lewis proposed when Max and Daniel had left, and the boys were being entertained by the car-themed mobile dangling above them.
“You think I am gross?” Fernando immediately retorted. In all fairness, Lewis was pretty sure there was some dried formula on the hem of Fernando’s shirt, but he didn’t dare to mention it.
“No, I figured it might be relaxing.”
“I-
“I’ll feed them in a bit, it’s fine.”
Fernando considered it. “It is nice to shower and see my feet again,” he said, more to himself than to Lewis. “Okay, I go. Because I want to, not because you say I shower.”
Lewis held back a laugh because of course Fernando just had to make clear that he was not doing something because Lewis proposed it. He was a big boy. He could make his own decisions.
“If you say so.”
As Fernando disappeared into the bathroom, Lewis figured he might as well make himself useful and give both boys their bottles already. It was still early enough in the afternoon for them to put the boys down for a nap and have a nap themselves as well before getting started on dinner. God knew Fernando needed it. Lewis admired Fernando’s motivation to do everything he did and the desire to get back into training as well, but he didn’t have the physical strength and endurance to do so yet.
So, nap time it was.
Lewis didn’t even have to bother telling Fernando what his plan was, because after a quick checkup on the babies in their nursery, he made his way to the bedroom and joined Lewis under the covers. The Brit had set an alarm for two hours later, and the baby monitor was in its usual spot on the bedside table. He had thought of everything.
Fernando was feeling affectionate, it seemed, because he quickly cuddled up to his boyfriend. He was snoring away on Lewis’s chest within mere minutes. ‘That must mean that he needs it,’ his mum would have said. And she would be correct. Any extra sleep they could get now was a bonus. They had a long night ahead of them.
Lewis had been hesitant about driving all the way to Oviedo. On the one hand, he’d rather have taken a plane, but Fernando was desperate to drive, and a family road trip didn’t sound all that bad. And they had time, for once. Just a few days, but still. That was enough.
The necessary stops every three hours to make sure the boys got their bottles were less than convenient. They even had to buy an extra thermos to keep the water hot for the duration of their journey. No one could say they were not prepared.
They’d each drive a few hours before switching and trying to sleep while the other drove. If all went well, they’d arrive around 8 in the morning. A decent time, Lewis decided. So f*cking early, Fernando had responded.
Despite, his complaints, it had actually been Fernando’s idea to go in the first place. He was scheduled to give a karting clinic at his own circuit back home. Who had planned it and when, Lewis very much would like to know, because Fernando would have been a little over 8 months pregnant now, had the boys not come prematurely. How he had imagined teaching these kids while freshly postpartum or heavily pregnant to a literally-about-to-give-birth degree, Lewis was curious to know.
But Fernando did have the boys early, and he was gaining more stamina now, so he’d be fine to play coach from the sidelines for a few hours. It’d hopefully do him good to be back home and in his natural habitat.
What was most important to Fernando though, was that he could take Lewis and their boys to the place where he grew up. Show them the home that he was raised in and what he had managed to build up. Of course the boys would not remember a single thing, but it was something Fernando wanted to do anyway. Familiarise Lewis with Oviedo to a degree. Lewis did not complain but instead started planning a similar trip to Stevenage during the summer break.
The twins were surprisingly quiet for the first part of the trip. Either they were very tired or they had inherited their fathers’ love for cars. Until their first stop to give them a bottle, they did not hear a single peep from the backseat. In fact, it had been so quiet that Lewis had checked multiple times to see if they were actually still alive. Luckily, they were.
It was about halfway through the journey that the drama started. The drama being that Fran had decided he needed to get rid of his meal from earlier. From two exits, unfortunately. It was a right mess and honestly, a miracle that the stains in the backseat were minimal, as he had mostly thrown up over himself. And once his little brother had caught onto the older twin’s distress, he joined the crying in solidarity.
So there they stood, in the middle of the night, Lewis trying to get rid of the poop and barf as best as he could, while Fernando changed Fran’s clothes and attempted to soothe both boys. Fernando had attempted to insist he clean up while Lewis tried to comfort the babies, but Lewis was having none of that. This was like a mini-holiday for them before Lewis would have to fly out to Hungary, leaving Fernando alone with two newborns again. He deserved a proper break, not a cleaning break.
The whole ordeal slowed them down considerably, but if there was anything Fernando and Lewis had learned lately, it was that the babies made the rules. It would have been more surprising if they had managed to get to Oviedo without anything slowing them down.
They arrived feeling surprisingly well-rested, having gotten about six hours of sleep each. It was well more than either of them had managed to get in weeks. Aside from the poop and barf incident, the babies had been very calm, which neither Fernando nor Lewis had expected. Maybe the boys just liked car rides, which would hardly be surprising with two parents who drove for a living.
Even though Fernando hadn’t told his mum what time they would arrive, she was waiting for them on the driveway. She all but dragged her son out of the car to properly hug him, before subjecting Lewis to the same treatment. He always thought that his own mum and step-mum had mastered the art of ‘bear hugs’, but they clearly had nothing on Fernando’s mum. If she wasn’t so kind, he would have been afraid she was trying to strangle him.
Fernando mumbled something to his mother in Spanish, and the lady finally released Lewis, although she made sure to pinch his cheek as well. The temptation to make an ‘I think I’m her favourite son’ joke was strong, but Lewis managed to hold himself back.
Luckily though, Lorena made the joke for him.
After a cup of tea and a quick catch-up, Fernando had to leave already. Their schedule was tight, but Fernando had been so eager to go home, even for just a little while, that Lewis had told him a million times that it’d be fine and they could go. He was curious to see where his boyfriend grew up.
“You go with him?” Fernando’s mother somehow made it sound more like an order than a question.
“Well, I…” Lewis hadn’t really thought about that yet. He kind of assumed he’d just be in the way, and it’d be better to stay here with the boys, possibly be shown a photo book or two of when Fernando was a kid.
But he also wanted to see what Fernando was so enthusiastic about.
“Yes, he can show you track and museum," Fernando’s father added “He is very proud.”
“And you’ll see how good he is with the kids,” Lorena offered.
“Then we make food, with no animal things.” His mum again.
Lewis couldn’t exactly say no anymore at this point, not with four Alonsos, plus the tiny half-Alonso in his arms staring at him. Did puppy eyes run in this family or something?
“Can’t believe you still have that car and I don’t.” Lewis was glaring at the 2007 McLaren. Standing there in all its glory, shining and telling Lewis ‘I bet you thought you’d seen the last of me’.
“Good memories, no?”
“Like what? Stalling me with it?”
Fernando clutched his non-existent pearls. “I would never. I did not do that.”
“Your behaviour in that car lost me the championship. And you too.”
“You are so mean.”
“No, you were so nice.”
“Did I say anything bad about you then?” Fernando asked. Lewis could tell the conversation was getting a bit more heated and serious than intended. “I think not. Only about the team.”
“Oh, you’ve said many questionable things regarding me in the past.”
“Like?” Fernando crossed his arms in front of his chest, slightly challenging Lewis. As if Lewis didn’t have any dirt on him. Lewis definitely did.
“That my titles may be worth less. I only know how to drive starting first. And in 2008, when your fans showed up in blackface, you played it down.”
When Fernando’s face fell, Lewis realised his mistake. Maybe Fernando wasn’t challenging him after all. Maybe this wasn’t what Fernando meant at all. A reminder for Lewis that he still wasn’t fully used to life with Fernando. Still didn’t entirely understand all of his ways and manners of speaking.
Then again, miscommunication was kind of their thing.
“I was wrong. I know that now, and you know I know that. I said I was sorry for being dumb.” Fernando looked genuinely hurt by his boyfriend’s words. He glanced at the babies and back at Lewis, the hurt evident in his eyes. Lewis felt even worse now. Fran and Santi had taken more after him when it came to the colour of their skin, and the Brit had an inkling that Fernando had misunderstood the comment as Lewis suggesting he was racist, which he'd been accused of all those years ago.
“Why are you bringing that up?” The Spaniard frowned. Lewis wanted to gather him in his arms and hug him and tell him that, yes, he knew Fernando had realised how dumb that comment had been. He knew he was sorry. Fernando had been around for pretty much the entirety of Lewis’s career, except for those two years of retirement. Through the years, he had seen how people treated Lewis, the things they yelled at him and the comments they made. Not the full extent of it, but enough to feel deeply hurt by the mere thought of Lewis viewing him like one of those people.
Lewis had viewed Fernando like that, for a short while. But he also realised that all those years ago, his comments had come from a place of ignorance, not malicious intent. He had been willing to learn.
(And he hated Nelson Piquet just as much as Lewis did.)
“You asked if you said anything bad about me,” Lewis answered, although it was very clear by now that he had misheard whatever it was that Fernando had actually said. And now the Spaniard was upset.
“Yes, then. In 2007, in McLaren,” Fernando said, refusing to look at Lewis and instead staring at the double pram the babies were currently asleep in.
Lewis had kind of figured by now.
“Oh.”
“I don’t want to fight.”
“This was not a fight,” Lewis reassured Fernando. “This was a misunderstanding, a small argument at mo-”
Lewis was cut off by the sudden armful of Fernando, who hugged him tight, burying his face in the crook of Lewis’s neck, as he had done many times during his pregnancy when he was not feeling too well. A sign that he needed Lewis to comfort him.
“Oh, hello there,” Lewis chuckled as he hugged Fernando back. He didn’t say anything else. Fernando didn’t need to be comforted by words, he just needed to be held for a moment. So that’s what Lewis did.
“I don’t want to be parents who fight a lot.”
“We won’t be like that. We’ll have disagreements and misunderstandings, but we won’t fight in front of them.”
That seemed to satisfy Fernando for now. He let go of Lewis, fixed his slightly ruffled hair and smiled as if he hadn’t been quite upset a few moments ago.
“We go outside now?”
Lewis swatted at Fernando, who managed to duck just in time and then quickly disappeared, leaving Lewis alone with the babies.
“Your papa sure is a weird one,” he muttered.
It was safe to say that the kart kids present had not expected to see Lewis there too. Meeting Fernando must already be an exciting experience for them, but meeting not one but two Formula One drivers must have made their whole month, if not their year.
Lewis realised he was quite arrogant for even thinking that, but these were boys excited about karting, and there were nine whole Formula 1 world championships right in front of them. It would have been more surprising had they not seemed a little starstruck.
The Brit could barely understand a word of what they were saying, but the heavily accented ‘Hamilton’ in the middle of the sentences said enough.
He stood back while Fernando did his thing, explaining God knows what to the kids. He had downloaded Duolingo, but the owl hardly taught him Spanish kart and racing slang.
(But at least he could now say he was dark-haired and tired, very useful.)
Besides, there were more interesting things to pay attention to than what Fernando was saying. For example, the way his bum looked in that race suit of his. Or the way his face was lighting up just talking to these kids. Or - and Lewis was very much aware that Fernando would kill him if he found out - the way his tummy looked nearly but not entirely flat. It wasn’t as obvious as it had been in Bahrain, because obviously there is a difference between being four months pregnant with twins and being a few weeks postpartum, but it was still there.
(Yes, okay. Maybe Lewis did have a thing for tummies under race suits. They just looked cute, he couldn’t help it.)
It was fascinating, watching Fernando in his natural habitat like this. Seeing him share his passion and witnessing the joy he exuded as he beckoned the boys towards the track, where explained some more things.
Fernando hadn’t mentioned getting out on the track himself as well, but Lewis figured it only made sense, especially since he was wearing his race suit and everything. He just hadn’t considered that he would. He wouldn’t have tried to stop him (he valued life too much for that), but he would at least have mentioned his hesitance regarding it. They’d had a good talk, and they agreed that Fernando would rest until summer. Karting was hardly resting.
But Fernando did like to kart in his free time, and it probably relaxed him more than standing on the sidelines watching did. He just had to trust Fernando enough to believe that he knew his limitations. That he knew when to stop.
Lewis figured he might as well join the kids’ parents and watch the group race around the track. Maybe this was the start of his ‘kart mom’ era. Or his ‘WAG’ era, technically. He would make such a good WAG.
“Big one is yours, no?” He heard from his right. A friendly-looking mother had apparently noticed him coming over. She grinned and nodded her head in the direction of the track. It took Lewis a second to understand. The big one. She was talking about Fernando.
“Yes, he is.”
“He looks talented, has great future.”
Lewis chuckled. “He’ll be glad to hear that.”
“If he does his best, maybe he will be world champion.”
She was funny. Lewis liked her. They continued to talk for a while, and although it was very likely he would never see this woman again, he still felt like he had made a friend for the day. It made him feel like he was there as one of the parents - or well, the boyfriend in his case - rather than as Lewis Hamilton, seven-time Formula One world champion.
And he would happily pass on all the compliments he received from the other parents on how beautiful their sons were. Fernando would be more than pleased to hear them.
“How was it?” Lewis asked when Fernando had finished his last round of posing for pictures and nearly all of the kids had left. He didn’t even really have to ask. Fernando was beaming. There was a healthy flush on his cheeks, and he looked more energised than he had at any point these past few months.
“Amazing. I miss this.”
Fernando lifted Fran out of the pram. Santi was still blissfully asleep, but despite a belly full of milk and a fresh nappy, his slightly older brother simply refused to. He seemed too interested in everything around him to even so much as close his eyes.
“I know you do.” Lewis smiled as Fernando rocked the little boy, still to no avail. It felt like a full-circle moment, in some weird way. From the bump under the race suit to the baby resting against a race suit. And wasn’t this exactly what Fernando wanted?
“Thank you. For coming too.”
“You’re ever so welcome, dearest.”
“Shut up,” Fernando said, but they both knew he didn’t mean it. He gently laid a still very much wide awake Fran back in the pram. He gently ran a finger over his cheek before turning his attention back to Lewis. “You wanna race?”
“Maybe when we come back in summer?”
They hadn’t discussed that yet, but Lewis assumed that they would. Fernando seemed to approve of it, because he excitedly kissed him on the mouth, just a little too long for it to be acceptable in public. But neither of them really cared.
It had been an amazing day. He had seen his parents and showed Lewis the museum he was so proud of, he’d been at his track with a group of new FA Kart kids and had even done a few laps himself. And now they were going back to his parents' place for a family dinner with his parents, and his sister and her family. Aside from their little misunderstanding, everything had been great.
The day was almost too good to be true.
As it turned out, it truly was.
His track and museum had a beautiful location if he could say so himself. It had a beautiful backdrop of hills, it was close to the big roads and there was space for a massive parking lot for countless vehicles. But that also meant that there was always some form of traffic noise, whether in the distance or close by. It was always there.
Fernando loved cars, he truly did, and the sound of a V8 was music to his ears. But those cars and motorcycles with souped-up engines that people liked to rev in the middle of the day, disrupting the peace of anyone in their vicinity? Not his favourite thing in the world.
As he was busy strapping Santi back in the car seat, unable to refuse booping his nose at least twice, he heard one of those idiots. He was about to make a comment to Lewis, but Fran was quicker and let out a loud wail. Of course, it must hurt their little ears to hear such a loud noise.
Lewis tried to calm their oldest as Fernando moved to do the same for Santi. Only to notice that he was not crying. In fact, he looked more happy than upset.
When Fernando heard the sound again, even closer this time, on the road right next to his museum, Santi remained as unbothered as he had been the first time. Fran only started crying even louder and his face was turning red.
Fernando’s heart sank.
Could Santi not hear it at all?
Fernando’s mind was taken back to when they had that group video call in the hospital, and Lewis had frantically tried to turn the volume down when everyone collectively started ooh-ing and ah-ing at the boys. Neither of them woke up, but if Fernando remembered correctly, he had seen Fran twitch a little.
He remembered how earlier that week, Fran had a crying fit when Fernando dropped a glass after nearly tripping over Roscoe. Lewis had been feeding Santi at the time, and the little man had not reacted at all. They’d assumed he was too invested in his milk to react and laughed it off, but maybe he had not noticed the sound at all.
And Fernando suddenly realised, horrified that he had never noticed before, that Santi never really reacted to sound. That he never turned towards a sound. That, when there was a somewhat loud noise in the house, Santi never started crying until he saw his brother crying.
When going for nightly feedings, Fran woke up when Fernando talked to him, but Santi didn’t. He had never thought much of it, considering he did wake up easily in the mornings. Maybe he just liked his nightly sleep. Or, Fernando now wondered, he just woke up from the big lights being turned on while during the night they used the dimmed night lights to see.
How had Fernando missed all of that? He was the one home with the little ones all the time, he should have seen these things.
He felt like a terrible parent.
Panic and anxiety coursed through him, and he knew Lewis could tell because suddenly the Brit was on Fernando’s side of the car. A hand touched his shoulder in what was probably meant to be a reassuring manner but only caused him to tremble.
“Santi is not reacting. Why is he not reacting?”
Lewis rubbed Fernando’s arm as he looked at their little man, who seemed completely unbothered while his brother’s crying had now been reduced to soft whimpers. The gesture did nothing to soothe him. If anything, Lewis’s calmness only increased his anxiety.
“Hey, calm down. It’s okay.”
How could Lewis tell him to calm down? How could he say this was okay? They had just come to the realisation that it was very well possible that Santi couldn’t hear a damn thing and Fernando was an awful parent who, despite spending day in, day out with him, had never noticed.
“It’s not.”
“He’s fine.”
Fernando shook his head violently. He could already feel a headache coming up, and this only made it worse. “But I don’t think he hears it.”
“I know.”
The calm and tranquillity with which Lewis spoke almost bothered Fernando. Did Lewis not see what was happening? “Why are you so calm?”
“One of us has to be,” Lewis said. Fernando had to admit that that was definitely useful, and it would most certainly not be him, so Lewis had taken it upon himself to be the voice of reason in this situation. “We’ll take him to see a doctor when we get home. Okay?”
“What if he can’t hear anything?” Fernando spoke softly enough for it to be considered a whisper.
Lewis gave him a sympathetic smile. “Then we figure that out when we get to it.”
Fernando nodded, hoping the mere act of it would help convince himself that it was going to be fine. It was not working at all though, he was too worried and too high in his emotions for that now.
“Nano,” he heard Lewis’s voice. The Brit opened his arms for Fernando to come get a hug. “Come here.”
Fernando let himself fall in Lewis’s arms, the younger man holding him and comforting him for the second time that day. Fernando buried his nose in Lewis’s neck like he always did. His little spot of comfort.
“He’s still our perfect little boy.”
Fernando nodded again. “Of course.”
He could feel his breathing calm down a bit as he tried to breathe along to the rise and fall of Lewis’s chest against his. It wasn’t until this moment that he realised how nice it felt to get a full-body hug from Lewis, their chests touching. It had been so different with the bump in between them.
“I am an awful dad.”
“No, you’re not. We agreed you would stop saying that," Lewis reminded Fernando. "You are the best papa they could have wished for.”
Fernando shook his head no and felt Lewis’s arms tighten around him. Fran’s whimpering had died down, and he was making general baby noises instead. Santi made a soft little sound too, which made Fernando want to cry and laugh at the same time.
“They passed their hearing screening at the hospital. We had little reason to think anything was wrong.”
That test hadn’t even come up in Fernando’s mind. Another reason he was such a sh*t dad. He felt so inattentive. These past few weeks, he had been either too exhausted or too happy to observe his own children properly.
“But not everything can always be 100% accurate, can it?” Lewis continued, completely oblivious to how Fernando was beating himself up about this whole thing.
He didn’t trust his voice, so he just hummed in agreement.
“You’re an amazing dad.” Lewis pulled away from him and gently took his face between his soft, warm hands. Fernando wanted to lean into it, but he didn’t deserve that right now. “Our boys are so lucky to have you. I am lucky to have you.”
A soft peck was pressed onto Fernando’s lips, but Fernando still didn’t feel calm. Quite the opposite. Was Lewis too calm for the seriousness of the situation, or was Fernando just overreacting?
He could see little Santi behind Lewis, watching his papa with those brown puppy eyes. Those innocent little eyes. It made Fernando feel so guilty.
Suddenly, it felt like he couldn’t breathe anymore. Fernando gasped for air, and he couldn’t stop shaking. He didn’t know what was happening to him. His brain was short-circuiting, and his body was doing things he didn’t want it to. He tried to breathe in properly, but it wasn’t enough. He needed a bigger gasp of air. And another one. And another.
Lewis was still holding his face in his hands, turning them around so that Fernando’s back was facing the car, and there was nothing but an empty parking lot and Lewis’s face to focus on. It didn’t help.
“Breath with me, okay?”
Lewis took a deep breath in and Fernando followed his example, albeit shakily. They continued to repeat the slow breaths until Fernando felt grounded enough to breathe normally again. What the hell had he just experienced? The only time he had felt something similar to this was when he made that terrible mistake of watching their babies move in his belly and Lewis found him in a state of near-shock.
The Brit gestured to Fernando’s jean pocket and held out his hand for Fernando to give him the keys. He knew Lewis didn’t exactly love driving road cars, but he was hardly in a state to drive himself.
“We will take them to see a doctor when we get home,” Lewis reassured him again, giving him another soft kiss.
All Fernando could really do was nod.
